June 10: Horribly Hilly Preparation with the Spring Valley Loop

Did I say the Roxbury route would be long but not grueling? Shame on me.  And shame on those of you who believed me.Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,A tale of a fateful rideThat started from this parking lot18 Drafters side by side.The mate was a mighty cycling woman,The Skipper brave and sure.The bicyclists set out that dayFor a three hour tour, a three hour tour.Navigating started getting rough,The tiny map was tossed,If not for the courage of the fearless crewThe Drafters would be lost, the Drafters would be lost.The bikes sped down on the shoulder of this uncharted dirt roadWith Bare FooterThe Skipper too,And a Drafter called Pipes with droolSo this is the tale of our castaways,They're here for a long, long time,They'll have to make the best of things,It's an uphill climb.Bare Footer and the Skipper too,Will do their very best,To make drooling Pipes comfortable,In their Dane County back roads nest.No phone, no lights, no motor car,Not a single luxury,Like Robinson Crusoe,It's primitive as can be.So join us here each week my friend,You're sure to get a smile,From three stranded castaways,Out at Roxbury Tavern.The tales these castaways shared kept things lively at the LongTable. Skipper had just fought the Battle of Cam Rock WORS on Sunday, and apparently mistook the Drafter ride to be part of the Wisconsin Off  Road series.  Barefooter and Pipes blindly followed their fearless leader to Roxbury Tavern. The first sign that the tour was going to be extended occurred just after the leaving Roxbury, when the crew passed three non-Drafters who exclaimed, "Hey, a bunch of riders in those same green jerseys went the other way!".  The crew extended the tour to 48 miles, just shy of a half century.  Footer voted to ride circles around the parking to claim those extra 2 miles, but Pipes declined.  With drool and snot impairing her vision for most of the adventure, she misread the "Look for Fallen Rocks" sign on Katzenbuechel Rd (aka Katzenpukel) as "Look for Fallen Drafters".  Pipes caught her second wind, and second beer back at Longtable, but not the second mile to make it an even 50. The Yoga Master muttered, "Namaste upright for at least 20 min to drink this beer."Three other Drafters elected to start the tour early.  We spotted Billy Bob in Drafter green riding out Airport Rd as we were driving to the staging area a few minutes after 5PM. Slow Cow  followed suit, uttering as he rolled out "let the hazing begin!" Or did he say, "let the grazing begin"?  Apparently, Slow Cow is also a member of the Wisconsin Off Road series, as he neglected his map and started the route in reverse.  We came across Billy Bob and Slow Cow shamelessly consulting their GPS. If you want to start and finish early, my money is on Drone Master. Perhaps it takes a degree in aerospace engineering to decipher my directions? Drone Master takes it one step further, mysteriously joining the Draft mid-route and curiously disappearing and reappearing on the other side of most major climbs.  Even so, he gently reminded me, "you don't have to use ALL of the daylight on these rides".I decided this was a  good ride to attempt to hang with the lead group, since Bomber's legs were still suffering from his Dirty Kanza Gravel race on Sat (he took 17th overall?!!) and Booker J went back to back with the Trek 100 on Sat and the 70 mile Ride for the Arts in Milwaukee on Sunday. Sandlot and Duchess also battled the elements to complete the Trek 100.  Duchess made a desperate attempt to unseat Evel Knievel for the largest hematoma award.  Carefully timing his crash so as to go from max speed of 24mph to zero, he is in contention for the award.  Our Drafter reporter caught up with Duchess for a brief interview. "After a brief survey of the carnage—no broken bones, bike still rideable, but no longer pristine—after getting my clock cleaned, I shook off the cobwebs, applied Rule 5 and proceeded to ride the remaining 75 miles.  Link: Velominati RulesI wanted to brag about the Hyde and Seek Z Rex and I played on Friday, but after hearing of these real rode adventures, I kept silent about my tired legs after our comparably little 70 mile ride to Hyde Mill.  The picture is worth sharing- not for the two yardbirds in it, but to appreciate a stone mill that has stood the test of time (build in 1850). I told my 50 year old body to harden the F* up (see Velominati Rule #5). Also in the lead group were Tick Tock,  Vintage and Thing 1. Recently securing her first job since graduating from PT school afforded Thing 1 a new carbon beauty, complete with dish wheels.  I was tempering the fatigue of Bomber and Booker J with the uncertainty of messing with youth on dish wheels. Experience certainly counts- I've biked more years than she's lived, but Thing 1 can bring the hurt.   I can always count on Tick Tock to do the lion's share of the work, so I took a chance and ventured boldly with the lead group.  Luckily, Thing 1 sabotaged her husband by feeding Vintage copious amounts of sugar.  He didn't bonk, but nearly vomited.  Thing 1 was also thrown off her game when she realized her new bike computer was equipped to display percent grade. There was some serious swearing as we climbed Dunlap Hollow. "16 f*ing %!" Sometimes ignorance is bliss. All was going according to plan until Tick Tock dropped a chain on Enchanted Valley.  Vintage and Thing 1 took the lead, while I hung back with Booker J and Bomber to make sure Tick Tock had no other mechanical issues.  What we lost in time we (collective we) gained in adrenaline.  There was no chance Tick Tock was going to play Domestique without some glory.  Booker J and Bomber were shot (see Dirty Kanza and Trek 100 results), I can't pull a pace line to save my large posterior chain, but Tick Tock executed a masterful slingshot move to pull us past the youngsters.It was a glorious finish, but I should go back to the start where we welcomed another Newbie, Violet.  Friend of Vintage and Thing 1, Violet was overheard in the parking lot expressing his predilection for hills.  I couldn't make him eat his words, but he did eat the flowers in my salad.  Bomber may want to consider ordering a bowl of violets next time. Forgetting a clean shirt, he wore his very sweet sweat smelling Drafter jersey to dinner.  I'm not an authority on relationships (ask husband 1), but my advice to Bomber in his quest to find a significant other would be less sweat equity.  He's convinced the bright green jersey is key to attracting a mate. While that may be true for hummingbirds who lack a sense of smell and are attached to bright colors, I think a clean bright green jersey might be a more viable option.Not all Drafters can make Monday night, but exemplify the spirit of the Draft on their own schedule.In preparation for the upcoming Horribly Hilly Hundreds, we will be riding a page out of their book. This is a 36ish ride (GPS from Middleton Hills vs Free House) with 2 options for shorter routes (Pine or Turkey).PDF map to download: Spring ValleyGarmin Link (note this is from Middleton Hills, not Free House): Middleton Hills to Spring ValleyDraft responsibly,BrickO