Go Guns

The Hincapie Order will include sleeveless jerseys (go guns)!  The artwork won't be up on the website until next week, but you CAN order now.  The style will be "AXIS race cut", which is more loose fitting than Velocity race cut, but tighter than the AXIS club cut (for those of you who ordered that style in the spring).I know that some cyclists find sleeveless jerseys a bit unorthodox (LuciO) and some bike groups prohibit them.  In 2014, a good friend of mine, Damon,  invited me to join the Heroner's bike group.  Eager to ride with my new friends, I showed up on a Saturday morning in "guns".  The email I received from the Director was absolutely hysterical, and really was the inspiration for the Drafter blog.  The ability to make fun of ourselves, and gently poke fun of those we treasure, is a gift.  Enjoy this gift from Jon Furlow to me, which I have saved all these years and reread on occasion for enjoyment (I will spare you my response, which was much less clever):

It was all the buzz on Saturday when a new rider to our ranks appeared sleeveless. Yes, shockingly sleeveless!  Naturally, all the gossip over our 75 mile (and about six flats) jaunt to Indianford was whether what one hopes was a simple Ironman-frenzy induced lapse in judgment was actually permitted under the By-Laws.

So the Directors retrieved the By-Laws in the cupboard next to the extra large bag of lime-flavored Doritos.  After a thorougly thumbing through the crumb-dusted pages, there it was - The Guns Rule, complete with historical references.

The By-Laws are unusually clear on the point, albeit with some exceptions and a proviso (that the Directors have decided by vote) are directly relevant in this case.

The "guns" rule (its actually a subsection) appears in Section III of the By-Laws under the Kit Directives which deals most prominently (Section III.A) with kit fit guidance which helpfully addresses the material differences between the race, sport and club cut, and contains the algorithm to calculate proper kit cut selection based on key metrics such as weekly nutella budget and average number of empty cookie cartons over a six month period in your weekly recycle.  As important, Section III.B of Kit Directives (directly principally to males) addresses the general hazards of wearing white shorts and the more specific and heightened hazards associated with donning white shorts in the rain.  See cross reference to "Porn Star."  Both Subsections A and B also address kit overuse and the resulting transparency effect that, I think we can all agree, is a major distraction particularly for those who are just trying to follow a wheel and are instead assaulted by a disturbing view that is really quite avoidable with a the slightest modicum of self-awareness and pre-ride kit inspection.

So that brings us to Section III.C, the "guns" rule.  Some historical background.  In ancient times, the rule was more of a well-understood common law (common sense) prohibition based on a cultural imperative to resist assimilation into the emerging tri-culture tribes.  The Ancient Elders (now know as Directors) thought - did the cannibal, the badger, the pirate or the professor ever go sleeveless?  The Elders did not think so (to be fair, there was evidence of a debate over whether the professor ever went sleveless, but the Elders concluded it was irrelevant because he was French and had a floppy pony tail).  So the proper sleeve tradition held strong.  But the tri-tribes continued to multiply until one day a wayward heroner strayed from the flock and went sleeveless on a group ride because it was hot and humid and he felt compelled to wear a birthday gift from his spouse: a sleeveless jersey with a cartoon cartoon character.  Please see Cross References to "Jersey Selection - Fashion Don't"  and "Navigating Spouse Cycling Gifts."

This historic mistep (legally, speaking, frolic and detour) proved useful because it revealed the three pillars that form the practical foundation of the current day "guns" rule and led to the strong movement to formalize the "guns" rule in the WHHDS By-Laws.

Pillar One: No one wants to ride behind (much less glance even fleetingly at) anyone with hairy shoulders and arm pits.

Pillar Two: No one wants to be batterred by the spray of salty sweat droplets from hairy shoulders and armpits.

Pillar Three:  No one wants to grab a drink from a bottle cacked with someone's armpit sweat.

[Variations from the Historical Text.  The prior version of this rule cited a Fourth Pillar: the corrosive effect of sweat.  But the carbon innovation led to that pillar being deleted as archaic.  The prior version also had an sleeveless exemption for women cyclists on the theory that they don't sweat or smell; they glow.  But over time experience has proven that to be a lie of mythic proportion].

So, all in all, a pretty sound rule.

For future reference, here's the text from the By-Laws:

Section III.C - The Guns Rule

(1) Definitions. As used herein,

(a) the term "jersey" shall mean any item of clothing designed to be worn in a way to cover any part of the torso while cycling and and with openings for a head, two arms and the waist, whether full, 3/4 or short zip.

(b) the term "sleeveless" shall mean any jersey (as herein defined), that allows a fellow rider to observe bare shoulders or armpits (shaven or not) whether or not (i) the exposure of shoulders or armpits is either by intentional or unintentional design of the jersey, (ii) accomplished by rolling-up sleeves, (iii) done for "summer tanning" purposes or (iv) accomplished by cutting off sleeves; provided however, that the definition of "sleeveless" does not apply to jersey's rendered sleeveless through an unintended crash so long as the crashed jersey is no longer worn at subsequent herron rides. [Directors Annotation: a "sports bra" including a tri-top, would be considered "sleeveless" within this definition.]

(2) Prohibition.  Sleeveless jerseys are strictly prohibited unless otherwise permitted by these rules.  [Cross Reference: Please see further guidance relating to the prohibition of simultaneous wearing of sleeveless jerseys and arm warmers.]

(3) Exceptions.  Section III.C(1) is not applicable in the following circumstances:

(a) its over 90 degrees F and 100% humidity, and the rider is not on a sanctioned herron ride;

(b) you are riding with tri-bars and having mechanical problems, and are not on a sanctioned herron ride;

(c) you are on a bouncy breach bike, and are not on a sanctioned herron ride; or

(d) you are alone in your room with the lights off and no one is home.

The Directors have, over time, grafted an additional proviso on this rule the states that the "guns" rule can at the Directors sole discretion be temporarily suspended on a one-time only basis for riders who met the following criteria (a) the rider is on their first sanctioned Herron ride, (b) the preponderance of the evidence suggests the rider can be rehabilitated and (c) the person inviting the new ride (hereafter, the "Inviter") had failed to review the By-Laws with the new ride in advance.

The Directors have concluded after a review of the evidence that this last proviso governs the "sleeveless" situation on Saturday.  The vote was close, 5 in favor, 4 against.

Lets see everyone on Saturday morning . . . .

The Directors